The diary  of Uchiha Itachi
by TheDivineLotus989
Summary: Itachi decides to start writing a ntains utmost embarrassing moments of his family life.Non massacre fic


**The diary of Uchiha Itachi**

**Konnichiwa**

Uchiha Itachi** desu**.**  
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From today on I will be keeping a diary .

If you can read this than I probably decided to make it public

due to one of my nervous breakdowns.

If you managed to steal it, then I am sadly informing

you that you will be dead within two hours

for I have laced the pages with poison

.Not even Tsunade can help you.

Just saying.

But you can **kill** your time reading it .

These pages contain the utmost embarrassing details of my family life.

I am sick and tired of being called perfect and a prodigy.

I am most definitely not and this diary is a reminder of it if I get too vain in the future.

The same goes for my little brother Sasuke whom I cherish more than anything in the world. Lets begin.

**July 14,2011** Father is complaining about us. Again

Over the phone no less. You might wonder why would Uchiha Fugaku gossip .

He does that .Being the chief of Konoha Police Force he

reports to the Yondaime daily or when Yondaime goes on missions

(he is not supposed to,but he does it anyway -/_ \-')

Somehow the report turns to another direction,namely badmouthing us .

The Yondaime and father are great friends and also great rivals .

They are constantly competing even when it comes to their children.

Sasuke and Naruto are following their footsteps and I am

often unfortunately caught up in their stupidities.

Naruto is the Fourth Hokage's son. A very energetic boy.

Here is an example of the so called report

_F:Good day Yondaime_

_Y:Oh, Fugaku, didn't hear from you in a couple of days._

_How is everything there?_

_F:Nothing is amiss exept Kushina is constantly asking about you_

_. Minato, I really don't think she is that naïve to believe_

_that you are spending your days in the Hokage tower_

_because of the paperwork_

_Y:groan, Oh, well tell her that I met Jiraya- sensei …_

_F:I am not telling her anything._

_Y:You are mean. I covered for you last time _

_when you went to teach Sasuke Gokakyo no jutsu. _

_F:Oh, really ?SHE had no idea…_

_Y:I tried But you know Mikoto ._

_She has this creepy woman's vibe ._

_She could do better than Ebisu with the interogations._

_F:Excuses,excuses.I can handle my wife quite well_

_(he said this in a whisper)_

_Y:Mo,whatever. How are the kids ?_

_F:Itachi is in his room ,preparing for a mission_

_and Sasuke is off somewhere with your son._

_I can only hope they are with Kakashi. _

_(__**Yeah, right. Father can be so ignorant at times**_

_**.They are better of without that pervert**_

_**.The only thing he can teach them is how to get stoned)**_

_Y:I can't believe it. My best student is teaching my child._

_I am so happy._

_F:Minato, don't f..k around ._

_You personally arranged for them to get him._

_Y:I am denying everything you are saying. _

_F:Anyhow , I understand that they are ninjas but can't they_

_be more disciplined or clean?(What?)_

_They are such sloths when in the house._

_I am looking at this glass Minato on the table._

_It hasn't been washed at least for two days_

_Mikoto can't go cleaning after them._

_ She has missions too. And everytime it's the same story_

_.They accuse eachother of their dishes. It's his glass I washed my own._

_No,no,no it's his and in the end ,guess what?_

_They must be all mine .And they are all dirty…_

_Y:__**Busy laughing**_

I feel so sorry for mother, but I can't clean up after Sasuke.

If our father knew what we ate then he would recognize

the tomato smears on the dishes and Sasuke's energizing drinks…

I plan to go away someday.

**July, 18 2011** I will never go to the hospital again.

I overheard Shisui talking about Kakashi's unfortunate experience

(which is partly my fault since I put him there;

_**A:\N Read my other story A day with the squad )**_ .

Kakashi has been in the hospital for a month now.

Apparently I maimed him so much that he is a little paralized

and has possible brain damage. I hope I do not get sued.

Shisui,the good guy he is, has been visiting him and reading him

from the newest volume of Icha,icha paradise.

That's the only thing he responds to.I will not tell you how.

Figure it out.

Anyway,remember Juugo,Orochimaru's mutant specimen?

He is a male nurse but after

What has transpired he won't be Tsunade hired him

since he has 'gentle nature' and has no where to go.

Sasuke is also fond of him He got .

atached to

him at Orochimaru's hideout

Where he was held captive…

I ripped that son of a …*censored* head off and still he

managed to revive himself. And he never learns.I will be

keeping count on his attempts on kidnapping my precious little brother.

It has been 7 attempts for now ,

okay six attempts 1 succesful capture

.Wandering off the subject again.

Juugo has been taking care of Kakashi and he was

supposed to pull out his cateter

(the instrument that helps immobile person urinate)

Something clogged so the cateter wasn't working right.

Then…Jugo who isn't well trained starts pulling the cateter

and it won't come off You have to release some pressure

on the instrument so it would get out.

And the brute keeps pulling and pulling,

Kakashi is screaming in his head since he can't talk.

Shisui ,the idiot, thinks that by holding Kakashi down

,they would be more successful.

Luckily Tsunade entered to do a check up on Kakashi

and it ended there. Kakashi would have lost his member.

Shisui is keeping him company She beat him up.

I hope I won't be having nightmares tonight.

,2011 2:30 p.m

|I can not sleep a wink.

Those damn cats are at it again.

I thought the mating season is in winter.

They are screaming and running rampant in the backyard.

Father is awake and is throwing exploding tags at them.

I can't help but sometimes wonder what do cats argue about.

I like making up stories like that.

There is the great yellow male cat and his wife ,the grey cat.

She recently gave birth to five cute kittens.

Now the yelow cat is chasing the grey and it looks more

like they are having an argument than trying to mate.

I imagine what he is saying.

_Y:Get back down you slut_

_G:*from the roof top* I won't if you keep calling me like that._

_Y:Who have you been screwing around? _

_Look at the kids!Why are they multicolored,huh?_

_Fucking slut!_

_One of the kittens :Daddy,don't yell at mommy_

_Y:Shut up!I'm not your father!_

_Lol,it just came on my mind._

_I hear Sasuke in the kitchen. If he eats my cookies he is dead._

_It's quiet now.I better go back to sleep while I am still drowsy _.

Oyasumi


End file.
